You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
