Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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