So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He has the fingertips of a God
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