Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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