I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
