I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
