My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
