come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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