Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
