Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
