Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
