so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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