Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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