tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
