I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize