she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
