...so i touched it.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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