people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
