i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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