I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
