we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
