see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
