Your tits are I can't wait for
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
