My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize