So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
