Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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