I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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