yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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