I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My pussy is not your playground.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
