I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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