His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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