Who did Billy Mays play for?
Welp...herpes.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
