I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
