who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
