I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
