I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
