what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
