i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
