I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish i was in the wii world.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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