She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize