shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
