i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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