I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
