My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up under a house in Key West
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
