And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
