every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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