No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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