this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
