I got chris browned last night
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
