Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
