my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
