WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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