just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
