Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
