I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
