oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
