I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
