I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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