STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
two words...techno handjob
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
