hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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