Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
