I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
