you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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