when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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