she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize