I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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