I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
