You smell like a Billy Joel song
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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