And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
