I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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