those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
