I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
